Crying

I've told myself to stop crying,

I can taste the saltiness,

Practically feel the mascara running down my face.

''stop crying"

However I can tell myself blue in the face,

Yet the tears keep falling.

Sometimes it hails,

While most days are just a sprinkle or drizzle,

Yet no thunder.

Thunder only I can hear.

That rumble deep in my chest.

"Stop crying"

I hate crying,

I don't know what I'm watering

Probably just sprouting more pain.

Will I ever stop?

making it about me

I make it about me.

I cry if I get an unwanted vibe,

I get jealous because I'm not included.

I don't like to include myself in things, events, and celebrations; social anxiety.

I can't help but think my family don't want me apart of their lives.

Everything starts with "I"

So I guess "I" am the problem.

"I" make it about me.

it's Friday night

He talked to me like I'm stupid again, but whatever I should be use to it. Right? My heart breaks but I don't feel nothing. At least only a little.