New Day

For some reason I never have the urge to right anymore, I sit and listen to Eyes on Fire and just waiting for something interesting to happen???

That day

As I did their photos the other day I had fun. It's been a while since I've had felt that way.  I was able to be with my ex-bestfriend, I took photo's of my brother and him for almost two hours. Everyone was having fun and I couldn't help but notice the feeling that he misses me too. As it came to an end we hopped in the car, riding shot gun for the second time with him was starting to feel natural for me. I didn't feel the need to hide my face and compose myself. Instead I sat there and thought finally I'm slowly getting my friend back.
When I talk about him to hugo, he seems to not care or want to listen.
I miss my ex-bestfriend so much, being in the same room (even if were not talking) is enough for me. He talks to me more, but still he has that little wall up, just as I have mine.
Then I wonder if were not going to be friends why are we like this? I should stay home. He shouldn't be able to tease me. No more riding in cars together. It should be just like that.... I guess.

Thursday

Something about last night was different. I watched as my son looked at him with his scrunched down eyebrows and pouty lips; fighting back a laugh, smile. It was a simple contest, but we all knew who would lose. As my son smiled, I looked at his opponent; he had his smile on his face but yet I knew he was missing something. I can tell as he played with my son how much he missed his baby girl. He can laugh and hide it but as an old friend, I can see his hurt. I know he is a great dad, and as I watch him play with son I hope he gets a little comfort.
As for me, he was so close but yet still far from me. I hate not being able to say, feel, and do things that we used to. Accepting the fact, this is probably the closest I'll ever get to my old friend.

Good Morning,
Taylor.

Last Night

I'm able to stand guard, tall, strong, and thickest wall ever. But when into battle, I have no army. Last night with no army beside me I was defenseless, I had no one there to shield me.
So as he hovered over me, I could feel his breath sliding down my back. He touched my side, that single second felt like hours, I told him to get away and he tookit as a joke. He walked and sat in the couch behind me and still I could feel his eyes touching, abusing my body. I still have shivers all over my body just talking about it.
The next time he hovered over me was when I could no longer stand it. He pressed himself against my lower back. He lingered there till I pushed him away. It continued for another two times. His wife was laying in his bed, children still loud and wide awake; but not around to see or notice what he was doing to me.
Im afraid to tell my mom, where would we go? My husband asked what did I do? It wasnt till this morning that he decided I shouldnt be by myself anymore. My brothers house is now a safezone till ten, but till then I'm on my own.
I now realize why I dont like myself, he ruined me. Stole my self esteem and I dont think I can get it back.
I want a home.