knocked down 4x

I did my makeup today,

Wanted attention from you.

Not the kind where you touch my ass and then... 

*Bam*

Face in the pillow as you take me from behind.

The kind of attention as a look.

The look you gave me when I had our babies,

The look you had on the day I married you,

The look you had when we first became an us.

I just wanted you.

Then she arrived.

It was 6 o'clock

All day I heard nothing from you,

You never hold my hand in public,

We're never "in love"

It's like 13 years together and time has run out.

I want to cry every time I see you look in her direction,

Are you thinking I was the second choice.

Are you thinking that knocking me up was a double whoops 

I was just someone to spend time with.

My heart hurts as I try not to cry.

My head hurts just listening to you act like nothing is wrong.

You looked in her direction every 5 seconds till she was no longer in sight.

Why wouldn't you she is pretty.

She's everything I'm no longer...

Beautiful, kind, skinny, 

And here I am with a bad attitude, anti social, and no longer that person I was in highschool.

No surprise everyone likes her.

Maybe if covid took me you would have had your shot.

Everytime I decide to love myself, 

I get knocked down 4x more.

I loved myself yesterday and this morning,

Tonight there is a hole in my heart.

It's not her fault,

It's probably not even yours...

Maybe it's mine.