WiFi!

So maybe a lot has happened since November 2014.

I've finally traveled to a place with connection.
Put my plans on hold.
Wanted to have a baby.
Instead now raising 4 new puppies.

As for my life at this point. My husband doesn't say he loves me. Maybe people at his work believe were separated, no longer married.

I want him to shout it out to the world, I want people to know when he looks at me that he's in love. Instead I wonder if he actually does.
My heart can no longer take it.

Say I'm crazy.

But I want love, not lust.

My Best Friend loves me, and everyone can see that. Why didn't I marry him right? Marriage and My Best Friend should not mix. He knows my life maybe too much.

So why did I pick my husband.

I was Pregnant, One factor.
2. I loved him, Like they all say: he was never like this in the beginning.

We want to have a baby...
but I want to be in love. In love with the fact that we are in this together.
Not questioning "Does he love me? Does he want kids?" and the big one of all "Is he loving someone else?"

I come off demanding, strong, and cautious. But my heart breaks as much as the next person.

So please hate me for being too much in love.

without connection

So I have no internet due to moving to a place. I miss Colorado. Sucks but I've been away with no connection to my page. Haha.

Last Week

One more day and I will be gone. Who will miss me and who won't? I'm making my way slowly to the city. A place I never wanted to be living but at least its for a while. I will miss this place, My work. I've meet a lot of new people, became friends with the friendly faces walking in.

I'm Ready to start my car and drive to the lights!

Baby or No Baby...

Doctors appointment went well, but not planning to have another baby till hmm... maybe the end of this year...

Drunk.

They are just words they say. They don't mean it. Others say "their true feeling are said". So I wonder which is it. Someone once dedicated a song to me when they were drunk.

 

"And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight"

 

They told me they missed me, that they think of me. We always wonders what if, but he was still hesitant. Told me to not to believe anything he had said, wait till he was sober. He wanted me to actually hear him.

 

So now what do I believe?

 

But as last night played out, I was shoved away. Told to go visit with someone besides him.

 

As I see it I don't know what to believe. The only time where I wasn't treated bad on left wondering, was the time I spent with my ex-bestfriend. He drank, but no more than 3; at least while I was there. Made me laugh and I had a great time.

 

So why is it that alcohol changed my husband and an old friend, except this one odd relationship. Now this is nothing but a chick rambling on in a mess.