Alone

I have been trying to be happy for the past couple of months. Just like in april, my best friend since I was five no longer wanted to be my friend. My husband chased him away, yet tonight as he lays by me I feel completely alone.
Yesterday when I had done laundry in the public laundry mat, I didnt notice that there was someone who had left their underwear behind in the washer. I teased him and asked "are you messing around on me?" It was then that I started to wonder were those in there before or when I washed his jeans.
I began to think is this why he pushes me away, is this why we constantly can't get along; because he is messing around on me.
All day today we haven't hugged or touched one another. "Babe" does not come out my mouth, only his first name. He constantly but jokingly teases that my son is actually his cousins baby, what if he actually means it. His cousin and I have known each other two years more than me and him, we did like each other. Romantically nothing happened.
I hate being teased this way. Though it is a dumb idea to get a significant others name on ones body, he said he would never put my name on him because of "before". Before; we had been split up, and I had fallen for another. Which comes to maybe he is messing around on me, sadly maybe I deserve it as paybacks. Going back to the tattooing story, the way he said it "before". He made it totally feel like he dont want to spend the rest of his life with me.
I guess I dont blame him, he can go on with his life without a person who is grouchy all the time. I'm better off alone with my son anyways, were always together while he's off at work, playing soccer, hanging out with his family.
All I want is for someone/him to just hold me close and tell me he loves me, especially now that I feel so alone.
Maybe this is finally the end.
Good Night and Sweet Dreams.
Taylor.