Falling

Puffy eyes from crying last night. Why is it when you miss someone so much they dont hear you? You can say their name over and over and still they say nothing in return.
I can say "dad i miss you" but its not like he's coming back anytime soon. I wont get to see him grow old and fragile, instead when he passed away he still had his youth. But parts of his youth was scratched from the pavement from when he was hit. The back of his hands had road rash and I could no longer see my daddy.
Every now and then he visits my mom in her sleep, holds her and tells her he loves her. Yet I've never seen his since I've got with my husband.
I wonder why he left, I wonder why he visits my mom and not me. I can say his name over and over and yet he's never there.
People say he's in your heart, he loved you very much. Well let me ask you this, why does my heart hurt so much? Why does it break everytime?
Why did he leave? What was it for?
I never wanted to get married. I wanted my father and daughter dances all those little girls got. I wanted my dad to tell me i was beautiful on my way to prom. I wanted to fight with my dad, slam a door in his face or get grounded by him. He was suppose to walk me down the isle, maybe thats why I never had a fancy wedding. He wasnt going to give me away.
So why does my heart hurt?
I wanted to go tonight without crying, but instead my tears are falling. But it dont matter no one will know, right?

Taylor.