Him.

Sometimes I want to be away from this mess I made. I want to be on my own where I don't hurt anybody. I hurt my best friend by not loving him more. I hurt my husband by not loving him enough. I want to do right by everyone, but I don't have enough strength in me to let it go.
As my husband and I fight to keep us from breaking, like I said something comes between us. I don't know why we do this to each other. Loving him was always easy, but now not so much. After my best friend left I kept my guard up, chased him out so I won't get hurt.
He says my best friend left because he was "stupid" "if he loved you why would he have hurt you?" "He's not the same person anymore" I guess I blame my husband for him leaving.
When my husband and I get pass the troubles our time is amazing. Kisses on the forehead, hugs and cuddling in bed. Most of all love. Not the sexual kind of love, but love: looks in the eye, silence, brushing of my hair behind my ear, and tracing of the lips. The absolute moment that everything falls in place.
I wish I could never leave this place.